___

So, here it is... the first. The little dash is actually the Chinese character for the number 1. Being an extremely private person I never thought I would have a blog. Who the hell has time for these anyway? Apparently... millions upon millions of people, so... I'll give it a whirl.

Let's catch you all up to date.

We left my Dad's on a thirteen hour flight to Beijing. Quinlon was absolutely amazing. Not one single problem. We got there and our luggage was no where to be found. It seems at JFK they just couldn't be bothered to send it. How kind of them. So here we are in China with only our carry ons and no clothes. None of Quinlon's diapers (we use cloth diapers NOT disposables so it's not like we could go buy some)except the ones we had with us on carry on. So that was fun. Filling out paperwork in the airport for an hour. The family next to us had sixteen gy-normous boxes on roughly nine carts with an entourage of Chinese workers pushing them. They were filling out paper work because one box did not make it. I just wonder who at JFK decided no more shit gets on the plane.

Boss: "alright boys that's enough. stop there.

Worker: "But, boss, we can't just stop. These people needd their belongings."

Boss: "eyuhaaaahhhh... Nah. I think this is good. We'll send it on the next one. They can wait."

Anyway...

So, we get to Beijing and now we talk to our man from Taiyuan... Victor, via a guide sent to us by him named Pink. Yes... that's her English name. So Victor thinks it's too late to come so we should get a hotel. Okay. Ten minutes later, he calls back and I talk to him. It's okay to come. So Pink takes us to the ticket window and now we take a domestic flight from Beijing to Taiyuan, the capital city of Shanxi province (our home). The flight is a little over an hour to an hour and a half and Q is amazing on this flight too. They served us green tea. Real green tea and it was amazing.

So we get to Taiyuan and Victor greets us. We hop in the van and make our hour long trek to the University, but not before stopping in a three story 24 hour restaurant. We get a private room and eat some real Chinese food. Black fungus that has no English name, I got chicken feet, some famous Shanxi beef (a cold dish) some vinegar veggies and some other stuff that was yummy as well.

So we eat and are about fifteen mins. away at this point. Throughout the entire van ride I was talking to Victor. It was pleasant. We get to the University, he shows us to our room... on the fifth goddamn floor. Which means it's ten sets of stairs and their are twelve steps for each one. You do the math because we climb these things at least six or seven times a day. No need for a stairmaster in China. For real. We get some sleep and the next day comes. Some students (Christine and Jade) take us to War Mutt (Wal Mart) which is a grocery only store. Not the millions of Chinese made items that U.S. Walmarts are notoriously known for. But, you can't get a whole chicken in the U.S. like you can in China. Head on and all. I mean the whole package. The whole store and experience is different. So we spend 436 RMB in walmart getting towels and a lot of starter stuff we couldn't take. Needless to say, Quinlon is famous here and everyone mobs him as if it were Jonny Depp walking around the mall sans a disguise or fake mustache.

We get back to the campus to find out we can eat at the cafeteria.

What's that you say?

Don doesn't have to do dishes... EVER.

SKADOOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOLD

WIN

FLAWLESS VICTORY

So I get me a cafeteria card and we are eating good.

I can't express to you how I LO0o0ove NOT doing dishes. I'm over it. Stick a fork in the dishes. I'm done... they're done.

So, my kitchen is basically a room to keep random stuff in. The sink doesn't get hot water anyway. Weird. Indeed, but hey... it's China. (you will hear that a lot... it's kind of the rule here.)

Shanxi is famous for several dishes and the canteen has them all. Noodles are eaten more in the North, where we are and in the south you eat more rice. So we've been eating all kinds of different noodles. It's like the twilight zone on pasta. But, it's all good. Especially the vinegar. So there are two dishes we eat ALL the time. They are thin noodles with diced potatoes and the other is tomato and egg. I have never had anything that tasted like this before and I still wonder how tye get tomato and egg to taste this way. It's freaking delicious. Unlike the American diet which consists of "whatever your fat ass feels like having at that moment," the Chinese prepare food by way of season and based on medicinal purpose in accordance with the five elements theory. Example: The potatoe dish is good to eat becasue potatoes, now, are good to eat in the dry weather and good for the heart and blood with all the pollution we are forced to live with.

So you mean... you actually want me to live? and not just to pay taxes? Get out of town. o_O

So were back at the campus and I meet with Victor and go to the office to meet my boss Shelly and Ivy (one of the teachers at the university and the person who is always helping me becasue she is at the office most of the time). Shelly keeps referring to Victor as James. And so does Ivy. Before that i'm saying to myself, "James... James... who the hell is James?!?!?!"

Apparently...

James and Victor are the same person.

James = Victor

Victor = James

O0o0o0o0okay.

I am completely baffled at this point and wondering if someone here is not playing with a full deck, or just appreciates having several random English names. Either way it is confusing and has my head ready to explode.

If it weren't for that horse I would have never spent that year in college.

o_O

So I make sense of this and just call him James. There is no closure to this... James it is.

It's China.

and once again...

o_O

moving on.

The next several days suck becasue we have no clothes and we start to smell... and I start to smell worse than everyone. There is something in Chinese food that makes you smell like garlic is ripping through your pores like steroids through the major league. And the more i eat... the more I smell. I hope you can laugh becasue I am still embarrased by this.

So... the next few days go by and finally after 6 days... we get our luggage.

I drag those three bags up the five flights of stairs which is really ten individual sets at 12 stairs each, cut the yellow plastic straps the airline put on for theft purposes, fire that son of a bitch open grab a handful of clothes and i'm off to shower.

::sigh::

Chinese people are not that tall..........




So here I am a six foot tall man trying to shower in a little tykes baby bath. My shower (no tub... we're talking plastic portable floor about 6 inches off the ground you stand in with a shower curtain that basically coccoons you.) is anything but comfortable.

Taking a shower... is my new "doing dishes."

::sigh::

but at least now... an hour later and several bruises from smashing into the wall trying not to let water out on the floor due to my WAY out of control obsessive compulsive behavior... i'm clean.

Seriously... it's like being blindfolded and thrown into a wrestling ring with a real live Polar Bear. You're kind of just thrown around blindly trying to find a way out, yet there is none.

So a few days go by and I have my first week of classes. It's horrible. James tells me I do not need anything, just to talk to them. Okay... that's what i'm here to do, right?

I get my schedule and it seems Monday is my heavy day. 5 classes. from 8a.m. - 12p.m.

yeah, real hard.

so I think I'm gonna have 5 individual classes.

Think again Z.

The first three classes are teh same students. So for two hours I have to ramble about all sorts of stuff and run out of stuff to talk about. This happened all week long.

It was kind of funny. But felt morelike that dream everyone has about sitting in class and being called to the black board, but when you walk up you find you're completely naked. And there I am. Doing arithmatic in my birthday suit.

So my second week of classes is much better and the students actually like me. That Friday was amazing. Ivy comes to the class to tell me I have to give a lecture on American culture Tuesday night.

Excellent. A lecture. I can't freaking wait.

So, Jessi, my beautiful and smart wife is like a fucking magician with power point and whips me up some magic and bad assery that could only be defined as awesome. Thanks doll. :X

My lecture packs out. people are standing in the aisles to hear me speak. The hall I had to give a lecture in holds 154 people. There were a lot more than that becasue people were camping out in the aisles for my two hour lecture. So I'm gonna say there were 200 people easy.

A little side note here.

Those of you that really know me know i'm not a speaker. I can. But I don't like it. I'm a hermit. I belong in a cave, sipping tea, reading, meditating, playing taiji. Not giving lectures. But, I do. And it goes really great. Better than I thought.

Way to go Z!!!

Now you have to give a lecture every month.

My next one. How Chinese culture has impacted America.

Piece of cake. Shaw Bros. films, Quentin Tarantino and Wutang clan. 'nuff said.

So.. we've been to downtown and shopping. The Chinese fashion sense is amazing. All of you who ever said I was gaudy and tacky. I am home!!!!!!!!!!!!

To tie this up quickly... My boss is awesome and everyone here is helpful and giving and caring. I had to go to the Doctor for my headaches which have returned and the Doctor said I need to heal myself. I'm too angry and I have much desire. But I can cure myself with meditation and nei gong (inner work). We have good talks over the couple of days I went there and two of my students paid for my visits. The Chinese are so giving. I pay for dinner and lunch and little things to try andmake up for the generosity.

They truly get that friendship does not come with a price tag.

Right next to the Doctor's is a tea shop. We sit down and I apparently impress everyone with my knowledge of tea and Chinese culture and history. I buy some really high grade Pu Er and the owner wants me to come back and just have tea with her.

soon...

I also got some amazing Mao Feng tea and the ever so elusive... Jin Zhen (golden needle). The Mao Feng has quickly become one of my favorite greens and the golden needle much to my dismay was a little light for my palette. I got these teas at a tea shop in a three story dept./grocery store. That tea shop owner said I can come back anytime as well. He doesn't speak Enlgish at all and I need more friends like that so my Chinese will improve.

As of today... I bought my books for the September semester. I am taking five classes and going for the Acupuncture and Massage degree. Five years long. I'm doing it all in Chinese and have a lot of work ahead of me. One of the courses scares me. It's on traditional and ancient Chinese writing. The Chinese kids themselves don't know Jack about this... Hopefully I can hang. I figure if they don't know and can learn.. so can I.

I am wrong though... from time to time. <--- movie reference o_O

So here we are. It's now Friday. You are caught up to date. I will keep you posted. Lots of pics and video to come. Stay tuned.